Is the Stay At Home Father Undervalued?

During the time that I have been writing about the "Stay at Home Father" experience I have generally spoke about the things we do as Dads, or what we do with our kids. One thing that I have stayed away from, mostly because I never ask for it myself, is recognition. Over the last couple of days however as I was thinking about what I should write about in the "Father" category it has crossed my mind that we are vastly under-appreciated in this role. I'm not looking for a pat on the back or for my wife to grovel at my feet shouting my praises. No. All I am looking for is for some acknowledgment of what it is that I do as a stay at home Dad. Let me elaborate.

Everyday we do our bit to help get the kids ready for school. In my house it is especially difficult because we have one bathroom and 3 girls! Normally this would spell disaster however the timing just happens to work out in addition to girl number 3 being in 3rd grade. That does not mean she is never in front of a mirror, just that she does not require the same amount of primping that my wife and my freshman daughter do. So the mornings are rough but doable. Once everyone is off for the day is when my day starts, just as it would for a typical housewife. I may start to lose track of what is PC so I am asking for forgiveness in advance.

The previous night always seems to somehow leave its mark on the house in the form of used dishware, a couple shreds of paper from my youngest and her 8pm art project. The dinner table has, after dinner of course, become a stopping point for graded school-work, mail, and the occasional ad paper that somehow made its way to our table as well. My son's baseball equipment, which he neglected to take back downstairs to his room now adorns the spot on the floor in front of the china cabinet. These are just a few examples of things scattered around the house from the previous day and nights activities. All of these "remnants" are now my responsibility to put away. I could leave some of it for the kids when they return from school and make them put it away. But if I did that I would have to stare at the things all day and I just could not deal with that.

So when everyone has departed for their school day and work day I start my day with a tour of the kids bedrooms as I wander around putting away all of the things they left out. This can take up a good portion of the morning, what with vacuuming, washing dishes and laundry not to mention folding the laundry (the thing I hate the most). Once I get this done to the point where I am satisfied I get on the computer and start to try and get some writing done. However, there are some things that must be done here that typically a woman would not do. At least I know my wife would not. This is where the recognition comes into the story.

All of the things that I had mentioned are your normal, everyday chores and tasks that need to be done in a family setting for whomever is the "homemaker". But, what differs between what I do and what my wife would do are what you could call the "guy stuff" around the house. Fixing the leak in the kitchen sink or the clog in the basement drain line. Is my wife going to do that? Would yours? How about fixing the bedroom door because it was rubbing on the door jam? Are the wives going to get the wood plane and bring the door down to size? I think not. Or let's say the leg on the dinner table is broken, would the wives take out the bolt and re-thread the hole so as to accept a new bolt? My wife never has. My point is this, all of the things  that the husbands do around the house we also do while we are the homemakers.

It can become quite the strain on a man to do all the household chores plus all the home maintenance, yard work, car work, and various other things that the husband would normally do. Now do not misunderstand me and think that I am saying a woman cannot do these things. I would never say that because I know women who have. What I am saying is that the typical wife that is out working while her husband stays home to take care of the house and kids, that woman is not going to come home from the office and start hanging drywall. We as husbands should get at least some recognition that in addition to the household duties we also bust our humps with much more.

So when you are considering the value of having your husband stay home to care for the kids and the house, don't forget that he is still a man. Don't forget that he will still have a need and a desire to make sure the house and everything in it is in perfect working order for his wife and children. Don't forget that in order to make that a reality he will have to work twice as hard in order to get it all done during the day. Do not ignore the fact that all of these things are difficult, even if he makes it look easy. Realize that if it wasn't for your husband you would be calling a plumber, carpenter, HVAC tech, and PC service tech, among others. He sweats his butt off for you and the kids because he loves you guys and wants you to be happy. So if he complains that his back hurts a little, or he is a bit sleepy after dinner it is because he was working hard all day long. Understand that none of this is easy, even though he might make it look like it is, that is just because he knows what he is doing.